I want to forget everything. I’ve always tried to be the best I could be, better than my last test score, stronger than my last work out, faster than my last run, I pushed myself. I pushed myself until I could no longer sleep. Until I could no longer breathe without it shaking and then I broke. I dropped the things that I pushed myself in, and that left me with this job. A call service rep, but that’s not who I am. That’s just what I do to make money. It’s what I push myself toward every week, food. The money to pay the bills and eat 3 meals a day, and I feel that right now, in this instant, in this moment, of this long journey, this downward spiral, this fall from grace I can’t do it any more. I can’t be the person that I push myself to be, I can’t be better than others. I can’t be the best me; I can’t push forward. I’m just this one girl with this one mind. This mind that is slowly tearing at the seams. This mind that holds memories of pain, of agony, of truly the deepest most profound suffering, and these memories are controlling me. I wanted to be strong enough, I wanted to be good enough, just to do one thing right. Just that one thing. Just one thing, but I can’t. I’m not the Amazon I dream myself to be. I’m not this giant, iron clad superhero who fights of my demons. I’m a little girl. A small child being clawed at by the monsters under my bed, but went I turn the lights back on, they’re still there. I can’t make them go away. That is truly this most scary thing about this journey, I’ve reached a point where there is no where to go but back… and going back means I have to face my demons. It means I have to deal with the parts of me that I’d sooner forget. It means that, injured, I have to crawl my way back to the place where things are okay. Tomorrow, maybe I’ll feel stronger, maybe I’ll feel confident that this is attainable…. but right now, I’m just broken. I’m just that scared little girl looking at the rest of the world while it’s covered in darkness and I can’t do this on my own… not now… not any more.
Oh you’ve redecorated…
I don’t like it
i acknowledge that this house has had a renovation, but given that it’s a stupid-ass renovation, i’ve elected to ignore it.
No matter what combination, these are all gold.
Tone deaf sphincter balloon XD
Greatest Selfie of all time.
My apologies for all the nipple centric posts, I have had an hour of intense feels about how nipples are considered obscene, that being said, this will probably become a common element in my blogging. Seriously though, can we start a campaign about this?
"IS THAT A NIPPLE?!
COVER THAT THING UP THAT IS DISGUS- oh wait its a male nipple.
Carry on then.”
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